112610

so, its the day after thanksgiving and i'm trying to motivate myself to accomplish something other than depriving my butt cheeks of air.

it's drizzling outside, just ate a roast beef sandwich, drinking a coke (should be a pepsi, but i'll deal), and craving another cigarette that i don't need.

Hmm!  What to do, what to do ...

Lately, i've been asking myself if all that i search for is worth the search, especially given that my life expectancy probably won't be more than about 80 years (a survey i once took said i was already passed), and i'm convinced that in just a few short years (like 3 or 4) the world will be quite a different place from what it is now.  Then i just reassure myself with "what else am i gonna do with my time other than indulge in debauchery while pretending to be happy with the way things are and/or are going?"  Is not the meaning of life to live?  so, i fill my plate with heaping helpings of everything on the buffet line, only to be too stuffed to enjoy the rest of the day.  I have this problem of grabbing more than i can possibly eat, knowing i can't leave food on the plate ...a dilemma having more implications than just at the dinner table or couch.

My whiteboard is full of things i 'need' to do/find, from philosophy and religion to economics and quantum physics.
My browser window has at any given time more tabs open to a slew of sites than necessary ...but necessary.
My email has more messages than i can read before falling asleep.
My 'youtube' account is probably more confused than i am.
I have opened three facebook groups: two to search for/discuss/disseminate knowledge of humanity, and one for my presidential campaign.  Not to mention the groups I like to keep up with, and a couple of those damned games.
I keep running out of hard drive space, and just recently uninstalled some programs to make room. 
I have stashes of wood, glass and corian for projects around the house that i'm sure i won't get to before i add something else.
My daughter lives an hour away and there's a lifetime of things i want to share with her but have no clue how.
so on and so on ...
and i don't do crack.

i should go on a diet.  stop putting so much on my plate, and only get more after i've finished a helping.  but then another dilemna arises ...one morsel opens up a box of other morsels, which is a part of a collection of boxes on a pallet, in a shipping yard ...endless morsels that eventually 'might' satisfy.  maybe my problem is refusing to limit life.  i want to live my life in such a way that makes my passing not an end but an answer.

oh, woe is not me.  I live in the greatest country on the planet, with a warehouse of tools not far from my fingertips, and i am really my only enemy.  for that, i am thankful, yet overwhelmed.

in closing, life may be busy, but life is grand.